Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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