wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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