After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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