I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
