saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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