yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
