My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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