roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
