Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
where are my eyebrows?
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