At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this just has baby written all over it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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