I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
