Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
