I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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