I cannot find my penis.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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