Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
