Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
