i may or may not be watching the land before time
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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