My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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