he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
