I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
