i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize