So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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