I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and she was petting her beer can
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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