We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
