I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
