The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
