summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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