its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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