my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
