Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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