i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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