I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
