I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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