Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
