Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
