I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
