yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
