Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
