When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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