I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
