I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
