I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize