i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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