p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize