I'm passing your future prison.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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