meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
