I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
