Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your tits are I can't wait for
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
