so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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