glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The Olympian is in my bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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