I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
