He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
