She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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