We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
