Michael Bay diarrhea
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
