thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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