I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
