I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
