Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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