I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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