It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
