Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
