so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
