So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
