My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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