So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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