I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
