The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
