I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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