Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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