I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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