i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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