You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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