i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
