she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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