Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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