OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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