I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My feet surprised me
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