Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
