I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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