It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
