remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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