Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize