Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
