That's when you crack a 10am beer
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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