Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
