I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
