New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
