i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
