Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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