at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
40s are totally the cure
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize