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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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