Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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