She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
