I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
