Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
