We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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