If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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