Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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